Assurance and Religious Trauma: A Journey of Faith and Attachment

Years ago, I sat in a Bible study with two Christians struggling with their assurance of salvation.

They had been raised in a legalistic, perfectionistic, law-obsessed church so as you can imagine, they didn't understand topics like grace or assurance very well.

Being that this topic is very close to my heart, I was confident I could answer their questions and help them find the relief they were looking for.

Boy was I wrong. No matter how well I explained it, how many Bible verses I pointed to, and how many clear descriptions and illustrations I used it just didn't seem to click.

Eventually, I realised I had done my best and was getting knowhere. Something deeper was happening. Something a Bible study couldn't fix.

While I didn't know it at the time, I eventually came to discover that for most people, lack of assurance of salvation isn't just a theological problem, its a psychological one.

The emotional wounds that lead a person to doubt their assurance often begin long before the legalistic sermon they heard.

What this means is healing those wounds must go deeper than theology. We have to go to the place where the wound began.

ATTACHMENT WOUNDS & ASSURANCE

According to psychodynamic theory, as children we develop a bond (or attachment) to the people taking care of us (our caretakers). This bond can be secure, or it can be insecure depending on how the caretaker relates to us.

For example, if our caretaker provides for us, keeps us safe, meets our emotional and developmental needs, and listens to us, we can develop a secure attachment to that person. This means we feel secure at the base of our existence, and that gives us courage to explore the world knowing no matter what, we have a secure base to fall back on.

But what if our caretaker ignores us, neglects us, or worse, mistreats us? Over time we develop an insecure attachment to that person. This makes us afraid to explore the world because our entire existence feels unsafe, like we have no one to rely on or trust in.

This attachment becomes the map we use to navigate the world. When it is secure, we can navigate the world with a sense of enthusiasm and positivity. When it is insecure, our navigation of the world is colored by the fears that accompany that insecurity. For example, you might live in fear that people will betray you when you need them most, so you build a wall to protect you from getting too close to others. This is a manifestation of an insecure attachment stemming from the bonds you created in your early years.

When it comes to spirituality and faith, these bonds are also at play. A secure attachment from childhood may give us the map we need to know and embrace God’s acceptance of us throughout our lives. But an insecure attachment may make it difficult to accept that God loves us or accepts us. Bible studies and sermons might give temporary relief to these anxieties, but the real wound is not caused by poor theology but by broken attachments. True and lasting healing then requires processing these wounds and healing them.

But what does that process look like?

Candice and I have just released our first workshop titled, "Never Good Enough: Assurance & Attachment."

In this workshop, we explore attachment and assurance in depth, bringing the worlds of theology and psychotherapy together to explore a way toward healing and wholeness.

Available only on the Hunger app. Get it here.